My suspicion, of late, is that God is working on tearing down any notion of self-sufficiency that I possess. I am a generally responsible student, and I like to be "ahead." This semester, however, every time I catch up and start working ahead, the Lord brings some hard event to stop me in my tracks. The range of progress-stoppers have included important conversations, sprained ankles that distract, sickness, etc.
I get it, though. As soon as I start getting ahead in school, I stop realizing my need for Jesus as much. If I don't feel stressed, I am not as apt to realize that it's only Jesus that sustains me.
So, the question is: how do I learn to not only intellectually know that I am not self-sufficient, but to emotionally feel my inadequacy? Perhaps this series of... little encouragements from the Lord... perhaps, that will instill this in me.
Jesus, I know I need you. I know I need Your Spirit to help me through every aspect of my life if I'm serious about living for You. I know, Father, that You sustain my every breath. Help me feel it.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
A Taste of My Own Medicine
Irony, according to the Merriam Webster dictionary, means, "incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result." Life is full of irony; my life, in particular, is full of irony.
I am often asked for advice. Why people come to me, I am not all together sure. I do not come with a very qualified resumé for advice-giving. I am only twenty and consequently, I have had a limited number of life experiences. At the same time, I do believe that the Lord gives me insight and wisdom into other people's questions on frequent occasion.
Here comes the irony: more often than not, I end up receiving my own advice back. For example, one of my big "things" is that we should not hold ourselves responsible for the things which God does not hold us responsible. For example, the spiritual well-being of a friend. Sometimes, because we love the struggling friend, we hold a burden so heavy that we are constantly worrying about them and losing sleep over their problems. However, the truth is, we cannot change anything. God is the changer of hearts and the fixer of spiritual problems. We cannot hold ourselves responsible for something we cannot fix. We can simply be faithful in the responsibilities God has given us: to love that person and be a good friend. So, I am to pray for my spiritually struggling friend, realizing that I can't "fix" their problems. Jesus is the healer, not I!
I wonder if I could save us all a lot of trouble by just frequently giving myself a dose of my own advice? :)
I am often asked for advice. Why people come to me, I am not all together sure. I do not come with a very qualified resumé for advice-giving. I am only twenty and consequently, I have had a limited number of life experiences. At the same time, I do believe that the Lord gives me insight and wisdom into other people's questions on frequent occasion.
Here comes the irony: more often than not, I end up receiving my own advice back. For example, one of my big "things" is that we should not hold ourselves responsible for the things which God does not hold us responsible. For example, the spiritual well-being of a friend. Sometimes, because we love the struggling friend, we hold a burden so heavy that we are constantly worrying about them and losing sleep over their problems. However, the truth is, we cannot change anything. God is the changer of hearts and the fixer of spiritual problems. We cannot hold ourselves responsible for something we cannot fix. We can simply be faithful in the responsibilities God has given us: to love that person and be a good friend. So, I am to pray for my spiritually struggling friend, realizing that I can't "fix" their problems. Jesus is the healer, not I!
I wonder if I could save us all a lot of trouble by just frequently giving myself a dose of my own advice? :)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Update
Life has been pretty crazy for the past few weeks. I really can't get into a lot of details, but to say the least, I've seen my need for the Spirit and the strength of God more than ever - and my need for Jesus too.
In my reading for my Essentials of Instruction class tonight, this quote caught my attention, "Knowledge is not just intellectual, it is also an affair of the heart." (Bruinsma, Steppingstones to Curriculum, p. 27) All I could say was: YES. Think about it.
In my reading for my Essentials of Instruction class tonight, this quote caught my attention, "Knowledge is not just intellectual, it is also an affair of the heart." (Bruinsma, Steppingstones to Curriculum, p. 27) All I could say was: YES. Think about it.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Letters to Yourself
One of the trends in Christian organizations and groups in the last decade has been the "letter to yourself." I've written many letters to myself about my expectations and fears as well as letters to myself about what I have learned. Recently, Mission to the World mailed me the letter I wrote myself when I returned from Mexico. This letter is all about learning. I thought I would share:
July 28, 2010
Whew! The summer in Mexico... it's kind of surreal that I just spent the summer in Mexico. It was really hard, but really awesome.
I learned that love is helping others toward God. I learned that persistent love has the victory. I learned that self-esteem must be based ONLY in Jesus. I learned that eh Word gives life and the Spirit gives courage. I learned that Jesus shines through a broken me. I learned that He is great.
I learned that I am a capable adult. I learned that missions is hard. I learned that I need Him more than I have yet grasped.
I saw my pride. I saw my weakness. But I saw that Jesus REALLY is in me--Christ in me.
I saw that all that matters i Jesus.
I want to live like this.
I don't want to settle for the average Christian life. I want all of my life to scream Jesus all of the time.
Are you walking worthy, April?
July 28, 2010
Whew! The summer in Mexico... it's kind of surreal that I just spent the summer in Mexico. It was really hard, but really awesome.
I learned that love is helping others toward God. I learned that persistent love has the victory. I learned that self-esteem must be based ONLY in Jesus. I learned that eh Word gives life and the Spirit gives courage. I learned that Jesus shines through a broken me. I learned that He is great.
I learned that I am a capable adult. I learned that missions is hard. I learned that I need Him more than I have yet grasped.
I saw my pride. I saw my weakness. But I saw that Jesus REALLY is in me--Christ in me.
I saw that all that matters i Jesus.
I want to live like this.
I don't want to settle for the average Christian life. I want all of my life to scream Jesus all of the time.
Are you walking worthy, April?
Monday, January 3, 2011
Relationships
This may not be of much interest to the rest of you, but I think I write more to get things off my mind than to cater to an audience. (I do appreciate having one, however... thanks!)
I was at Kelly's house the other day. The dear girl was skyping her new(ish) boyfriend, which I was in full support of. Meanwhile, I decided to read my Bible. So I read my Bible and spent some time praying. It was quite relaxing, and just all around good. Still, I finished and she was not back upstairs. My eye was caught by a book on her shelf on dating, "Boundaries in Dating" by Townsend. As a general rule, I am pretty skeptical about dating books, because I have yet to find a great one. I picked it up and started reading it. 103 pages in, my reaction: nice. While I wouldn't necessarily recommend a thorough read-through, a skim would certainly be worthwhile.
Townsend maintains that dating is a healthy and natural process. (The book was written largely in response to anti-dating movements.) He gives the reader a lot to chew on. According to Townsend, relationships are a place to look for/develop communication, trust, vulnerability, assertiveness, honesty, self-sacrifice, and listening. Those list of qualities really caught my attention. Yes. That is what I want to see in my relationship with Josh... and I do see a lot of it, so I am encouraged! Dr. Townsend stresses that your significant other should be both comforting to you when you fail, but they should also challenge you to do better. Common interests, goals, and values are key factors. One of the most important things to a relationship's potential success, though, is honesty.
Well, I'm still reading it... well, I will be if it's in Covenant's library. Critique/review to be edited and continued? :)
Hope you are all well!
I was at Kelly's house the other day. The dear girl was skyping her new(ish) boyfriend, which I was in full support of. Meanwhile, I decided to read my Bible. So I read my Bible and spent some time praying. It was quite relaxing, and just all around good. Still, I finished and she was not back upstairs. My eye was caught by a book on her shelf on dating, "Boundaries in Dating" by Townsend. As a general rule, I am pretty skeptical about dating books, because I have yet to find a great one. I picked it up and started reading it. 103 pages in, my reaction: nice. While I wouldn't necessarily recommend a thorough read-through, a skim would certainly be worthwhile.
Townsend maintains that dating is a healthy and natural process. (The book was written largely in response to anti-dating movements.) He gives the reader a lot to chew on. According to Townsend, relationships are a place to look for/develop communication, trust, vulnerability, assertiveness, honesty, self-sacrifice, and listening. Those list of qualities really caught my attention. Yes. That is what I want to see in my relationship with Josh... and I do see a lot of it, so I am encouraged! Dr. Townsend stresses that your significant other should be both comforting to you when you fail, but they should also challenge you to do better. Common interests, goals, and values are key factors. One of the most important things to a relationship's potential success, though, is honesty.
Well, I'm still reading it... well, I will be if it's in Covenant's library. Critique/review to be edited and continued? :)
Hope you are all well!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sleigh Bells Ring... Are You Listening?
I love Christmas! It's just delightful, really. I love the songs, the mood, the smells, the laughs. I love Christmas.
Honestly, this year involved less contemplation of the wonder of Christ's birth than years past. It's just been this really weird combination of busy and slow that has not allowed a lot of time to sit and think. I don't even know how to explain it. While I have not spent as much time pondering Christ's arrival on earth, it has been a Christmas full of thinking about the kind of person I do and do not want to be. In the past week, I have thought a lot about what it really means to live a life worthy. I certainly do not feel up to the challenge. But, one-two-three, deep breath, and we dive right back into this crazy thing called living.
One of the biggest goals that I have for my life is to learn to relate to all types of people, to love them for the good qualities that they have, and to learn never to think of myself as better than anyone else. I am not better than anyone else. Any talents or success that I possess are gifts from God. I do hope the Lord will grind that truth into my very being. If I could, in a lifetime, learn to LOVE like the Lord wants me to love, I would just be happy as a lark.
Little steps toward big goals, right? I have been paying extra attention of late to how I process my interactions with others. I have been catching the hints of I've-got-it-all-together in me and smashing them to the ground.
The irony of it all is that King Jesus, who had no need to be humble, showed great humility while I, who has every need to be humble, show little humility. Teach me to love with Your love, Abba, and to remember that "all that I am, I owe to Thee."
Honestly, this year involved less contemplation of the wonder of Christ's birth than years past. It's just been this really weird combination of busy and slow that has not allowed a lot of time to sit and think. I don't even know how to explain it. While I have not spent as much time pondering Christ's arrival on earth, it has been a Christmas full of thinking about the kind of person I do and do not want to be. In the past week, I have thought a lot about what it really means to live a life worthy. I certainly do not feel up to the challenge. But, one-two-three, deep breath, and we dive right back into this crazy thing called living.
One of the biggest goals that I have for my life is to learn to relate to all types of people, to love them for the good qualities that they have, and to learn never to think of myself as better than anyone else. I am not better than anyone else. Any talents or success that I possess are gifts from God. I do hope the Lord will grind that truth into my very being. If I could, in a lifetime, learn to LOVE like the Lord wants me to love, I would just be happy as a lark.
Little steps toward big goals, right? I have been paying extra attention of late to how I process my interactions with others. I have been catching the hints of I've-got-it-all-together in me and smashing them to the ground.
The irony of it all is that King Jesus, who had no need to be humble, showed great humility while I, who has every need to be humble, show little humility. Teach me to love with Your love, Abba, and to remember that "all that I am, I owe to Thee."
Monday, December 20, 2010
Mexico?
Christmas is near! It's super exciting to be home. I must admit, though, I think home shows me more of my sin than anywhere else. My mom asked me to do the dishes tonight, and I found my heart grumbling. The dishes! They take twenty minutes and I have nothing I have to do! It's good to be reminded of how hopeless I am to be righteous on my own, I suppose!
Well, I have a BIG prayer request.
I have to pray about it a lot more, but it is possible that the Lord wants me to go back to Acapulco this summer. PLEASE pray for me, for wisdom and direction. I wrote it off a long time ago as "not the right use of money" and just plain not a possibility, but the Lord has been laying on my heart to pray about it a lot more.
PLEASE PRAY!
Well, I have a BIG prayer request.
I have to pray about it a lot more, but it is possible that the Lord wants me to go back to Acapulco this summer. PLEASE pray for me, for wisdom and direction. I wrote it off a long time ago as "not the right use of money" and just plain not a possibility, but the Lord has been laying on my heart to pray about it a lot more.
PLEASE PRAY!
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