Sleigh Bells Ring... Are You Listening?

I love Christmas! It's just delightful, really. I love the songs, the mood, the smells, the laughs. I love Christmas.

Honestly, this year involved less contemplation of the wonder of Christ's birth than years past. It's just been this really weird combination of busy and slow that has not allowed a lot of time to sit and think. I don't even know how to explain it. While I have not spent as much time pondering Christ's arrival on earth, it has been a Christmas full of thinking about the kind of person I do and do not want to be. In the past week, I have thought a lot about what it really means to live a life worthy. I certainly do not feel up to the challenge. But, one-two-three, deep breath, and we dive right back into this crazy thing called living.

One of the biggest goals that I have for my life is to learn to relate to all types of people, to love them for the good qualities that they have, and to learn never to think of myself as better than anyone else. I am not better than anyone else. Any talents or success that I possess are gifts from God. I do hope the Lord will grind that truth into my very being. If I could, in a lifetime, learn to LOVE like the Lord wants me to love, I would just be happy as a lark.

Little steps toward big goals, right? I have been paying extra attention of late to how I process my interactions with others. I have been catching the hints of I've-got-it-all-together in me and smashing them to the ground.

The irony of it all is that King Jesus, who had no need to be humble, showed great humility while I, who has every need to be humble, show little humility. Teach me to love with Your love, Abba, and to remember that "all that I am, I owe to Thee."

Mexico?

Christmas is near! It's super exciting to be home. I must admit, though, I think home shows me more of my sin than anywhere else. My mom asked me to do the dishes tonight, and I found my heart grumbling. The dishes! They take twenty minutes and I have nothing I have to do! It's good to be reminded of how hopeless I am to be righteous on my own, I suppose!

Well, I have a BIG prayer request.

I have to pray about it a lot more, but it is possible that the Lord wants me to go back to Acapulco this summer. PLEASE pray for me, for wisdom and direction. I wrote it off a long time ago as "not the right use of money" and just plain not a possibility, but the Lord has been laying on my heart to pray about it a lot more.

PLEASE PRAY!

Regroup

One of the wonderful privileges of college is, unlike working full time, it provides nice breaks several times a year. Granted, the largest one of those (summer) is usually occupied with a full time job. Still, I love it. I really hope this upcoming break will give ample time to reflect, refresh, enjoy my family, and (maybe) get a little job searching done.

I am sitting in my apartment living room right now. The whole apartment is pretty clean and tidy. I spent this evening hanging out with my beloved roommate, Bethany, who is graduated! So sad! I will miss her dearly. The dear girl surprised me when I got home with a Java Chip Frapaccino, my favorite, and a sweet Christmas gift. Then, we played two rounds of Scrabble. It's been a wonderful last night together.

Now, as the caffeine from the frapaccino (or excitement) keeps me awake, I am just marveling over God's faithfulness. The heater is humming and I just feel this incredible peace. God is so generous and kind to me. He has blessed me so much. I have just a million thoughts I could share, but I guess this is my main thought tonight: He loves us, oh how He loves us - how great His affections are for us.

3 miles!

Woot woot! Guess who ran three miles today?! It was on a treadmill, so no hills involved. Still! I'm proud.

I picked my corner treadmill. I really do like it. It's tucked away far away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the work out room, with a clear view out the windows. The sky today was a blue so crisp you could almost taste the cold air. There was a big, fat robin sitting on the tree right outside my window, too. I shook my head in pity; it was cold out! The robin is typically the promise of spring, but in the case probably the remnant of this year's long-extended nice weather.

As I ran and thought about the promise robins signify, I thought about God's promises of hope to come. God sends me reminders of His promises often, little robins in a world whose cold winter wind can bite. A promise that the Savior will return and I will be caught up in the air to meet Him. A promise that my sins are covered, that I am redeemed. A promise that death has no sting, that to live is Christ and to die is gain. A promise that my future is secure. A promise that He will never leave me. A promise of heaven.

Well, as you can probably tell, I thoroughly enjoyed the [unchanging] scenery during my run. I went in spurts of telling myself "one foot in front of the other" and talking with the Lord--hopefully someday I will be in shape enough that I can focus more on praying. :) Someday.

I am Free, But...

I am just going to leave us with a verse today. I think it speaks for itself.

"Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.... I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessing. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize. Run in such a way as to get the prize.... Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body, and make it my slave so that after I have preach to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Parts of 1 Corinthians 9

Expel the Immoral Brother

I have been reading in 1 Corinthians of late, and a passage that really has stirred up thought is 1 Corinthians 5. It talks about Christian brothers who refuse to repent of sin and how if they continue to refuse to repent they must be expelled from the church. The hardest part for me comes in the last verse where Paul directs the congregation not to associate with that man, or even eat with them.

It is hard for me to imagine actually having to cease associating with someone I loved. We had a speaker come into one of my classes the other day that (as a side note) talked about his theory that if someone remains unrepentant long term, they were not a Christian in the first place and you can begin to re-associate with them and evangelize. Still, that is so hard!

So then, last night, I talked about a lot of this with Josh. While I was falling asleep later, I also wondered: Is my biggest struggle with this possibly because I do not have enough love for God in comparison to how much I love people? The first commandment is to love the Lord your God will all that your are, and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. I wonder: do I sometimes (still) replace passion and love of my GOD with love for the lost?

This story that God is writing is not mainly about the people, it is about the merciful and holy God. God is the one that is supposed to drive all I do. I am supposed to be "zealous for the fear of the Lord." (Proverbs 23:17) DO I (ULTIMATELY) LOVE GOD MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE? I certainly want to. Am I ready to give up all of the ones I love dearly, Christian and non-Christian to the service of His glory, come whatever cost? I do not think that I am really ready. I struggle when He lets loved ones suffer, and when He lets people die that I know are not saved. Father, help me! Help me understand this strange combination of loving those around me, but loving You most... and wanting You to be glorified.

Can loving people be an idol? Yeah. How do we even do this? We can't. We need "The Helper" (as Dr. Ward reminded us yesterday) - the Spirit. Send the Helper!

Big thoughts. Few answers.