Gospel

We had an awesome speaker in chapel the other day. I was not sure, to be honest, what to think of him when he first started talking. When he walked up to the pulpit in trendy jeans and a v-neck black button up, I was not sure what to expect. Trendy pastors can be passionate preachers, but they can also be fluff preachers-- in my limited experience, at least. This, however, was no fluff preacher.

During my summer in Mexico, I had spent time reading and discussing Jerry Bridge's The Disciplines of Grace. One of the big themes in that book is that on some level we believe our good behavior is necessary to keep God's favor, but that is SO wrong. God relates to us on the basis of Jesus--all the time! This speaker reiterated these themes as well as brought up an interesting idea, "Christian growth doesn't happen by behaving better, but by believing better." He presented this concept, stolen from Tim Keller, of "blessed self-forgetfulness." The idea is that sometimes we get to caught up in looking at ourselves and trying to be holy, instead of looking to Jesus and seeing grace. The problem is, if we focus too much on ourselves and perfecting ourselves, Christianity can become a new form of self-improvement instead of a radical Jesus-driven life. AMEN! Yes, I want to be introspective and to put off the old self and put on the new self. But YES, I need to look more at Jesus and less at me. How do we balance this perspective with the call to action so clearly in the Bible? It's all about focus. After all, if I am constantly focused on the Gospel, it only makes sense that holiness will spill out, right?

An interesting thought to leave you with:
"The only people that actually get better are the people who increasingly understand that their relationship with God doesn't depend on getting better."

Abba, help me focus on Jesus and revel in grace!

Update

Whewwww! Man, life is busy. God is good! I really do not even know how to summarize the past few weeks. I am afraid this may a bit disjointed!

Of late, life has been full of tests, projects, planning, and more. Of course, I've fit some good fun in the mix as well. My birthday was marvelous, I felt so loved and uplifted. The best part of it is that overall I felt encouraged that the SPIRIT is doing things through me, instead of feeling that I was something else. GOD IS WORKING! Praise Him! I was reflecting on how much I have changed and grown in the past year, and it is quite extensive. I am most certain that I am being inhabited by a powerful God. Ha, of course, that is not to say my "old self" does not rear its ugly head on frequent occasion. It does. Yet, I know the Spirit walks with me.

For those of you who pray for me, please continue to pray for meekness and humility, for a grace-embracing-and-endowing lifestyle, and for diligence! May Jesus Christ be praised!

Looking up,
April

Sunshine State?

Well Day 1 in Florida is completed. While we were disappointed to be greeted with clouds and cold winds at the beach, we still had a marvelous day.

My old roommate, Bethany, and her parents are kindly letting Laura, Bethany Daniels, and me stay at their place--so we have a delightful, inexpensive spring break. Today, we went to Sunday School, church, and a potluck followed by volleyball on the beach and then Bible study. Last but not least, I played Scrabble with Bethany's little (but over 6') brother, Caleb. It has been an enjoyable day.

I really enjoyed seeing Bethany's church--great teaching, sweet people. The Lord brought me a lot of encouragement through different teaching sessions today. One of the big ideas from the sermon: trusting that God will keep his promises. He will! Praise Him!

Well anyway, it's bedtime for April. I hope to get up at a decent hour tomorrow and get to work on a paper. No rest for the weary. Hehe. Seriously, though, it will be a wonderful break.

An Education

Last night, we watched "An Education," a newer film. Perhaps you haven't even heard of it. It hasn't been much publicized. The story, in short, is about a sixteen year old girl that gets involved with a much older guy. She falls in love with him (or maybe the party life of jazz concerts, trips to Paris, and pretty art.) The man is a con artist, and even when she finds out, he convinces her to stay with him--and he uses his con skills to reel in her parents. Maybe an hour into the movie, we find him telling his friend "she is the one" and asking her to marry him. Everyone is quite happy, and her parents even tell her to forsake her dreams of Oxford and marry him. She drops out of school, missing her last exams, and sets her life on course to marry this man. Sadly, she soon finds out he is currently married. It all blows up in her face, and she finds out she is not the first woman to have this promise. There is a good ending, which I appreciate, where she does find a way to take her exams and go to Oxford... but the movie left me sad.

It was so heavy. Why was it? Because an older man preyed on a naive younger girl? No. He was wrong, but he did have real feelings for her. Was it heavy because she gave away her future without knowing what she was doing, mirroring many youth today? No. It was heavy because there was no Jesus. All the parties, flowers, and concerts in the world-- all the charming men and fun friends-- they leave the world still largely bleak and heavy. We need Jesus!

The movie attempts to give another option for happiness. The girl visits her old English teacher in desperation at the end, finding her home bright, cheery and cozy-- with a few pieces of good art and a piano. The girl concludes that this is really what everyone needs: a nice, small space of their own.

I don't buy it.
It's Jesus.

Worship

In Colossians 3:17, we are told, "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

The question: what does it mean to do everything in the name of Jesus. Josh picked my up from a babysitting job tonight, and as we drove back, I wondered:

Does "worship" always have to be a conscious, intellectual process? Or can I still be worshiping God when I am caught up in the bliss of making music? If my heart were first captive to Jesus, if my identity were to lie in him, if my life ambitions were grounded in him... and I got caught up in bliss... without an intentional, mental focus on Jesus... could it still be worship?

It would seem that it must be possible... because to both be thinking about Jesus and doing math equations in your head at the same time is impossible. There is no way to add two plus two but at the same moment be thinking about Jesus. It is possible to have thoughts of him mixed in between questions... but is that what worship is supposed to look like? Not to be irreverent, but let's think about this: Two plus two is four. Wow, it's awesome that God made the world so logical. Four plus four is eight. Man, I am so thankful that God is orderly.... That just seems impractical and ridiculous.

So. What is it? Where is the thing that turns a normal act into worship? Is it the motives? If I am learning math to learn how to better serve Jesus, it stands to reason that it would be worship. But it still leaves the question, is simply having Jesus-focused overarching motives doing everything in the name of Jesus? It is clearly not possible to have our sights 100% on Jesus in the middle of everything.

Perhaps you think I am over thinking.

Think again.

Example: Josh and I took my friend Cathy's two little boys bowling. I realized, an hour into bowling, that I had not once thought about Jesus in that hour. I had been focused on getting the boys to enjoy themselves and enjoy our company. While that is important... not thinking about Jesus once in a whole hour is pretty sad, no matter what my motives are. Ultimately, I should not want to just "make them happy," but I should want to draw them closer to Jesus.

Well, bedtime. The wheels keep turning. Maybe the answers will all come to me in a dream :P

Summer Job!

Well friends, I am waiting! I have an interview coming up on Friday for a job as a youth ministry intern in Florida, and I am waiting for a call from Winshape camps about a job. Soon the chips will fall in place! I am really excited to see where God takes me this summer. The cool thing is, if I am able to get either of these jobs, they will allow for at least a little time at home on either end of the summer. Not only that, but they will also be a great use of my gifts! We'll see.

As you can probably guess, after a lot of prayer, God did not put Mexico on my heart as "where I belong" for the summer. PLEASE continue to pray for those precious kids and all of my dear friends in Acapulco. Pray that the Lord uses other people to reach the kids at Casa Hogar and Sobre el Puente. Pray especially that the Lord gives wisdom to the leaders at Sobre el Puente as they deal with some hard things.

Valentine's Day is today. Good stuff! Unfortunately, both Josh and I are on duty--so it looks to be a quiet, separated night. He was a sweetheart and got me daisies (my favorite), but it looks like the real celebration of the day will be on Friday evening. That should be fun.

God is ever-faithful.

Self-Sufficient... Not Even Close

My suspicion, of late, is that God is working on tearing down any notion of self-sufficiency that I possess. I am a generally responsible student, and I like to be "ahead." This semester, however, every time I catch up and start working ahead, the Lord brings some hard event to stop me in my tracks. The range of progress-stoppers have included important conversations, sprained ankles that distract, sickness, etc.

I get it, though. As soon as I start getting ahead in school, I stop realizing my need for Jesus as much. If I don't feel stressed, I am not as apt to realize that it's only Jesus that sustains me.

So, the question is: how do I learn to not only intellectually know that I am not self-sufficient, but to emotionally feel my inadequacy? Perhaps this series of... little encouragements from the Lord... perhaps, that will instill this in me.

Jesus, I know I need you. I know I need Your Spirit to help me through every aspect of my life if I'm serious about living for You. I know, Father, that You sustain my every breath. Help me feel it.